Dearest Julianne,
As Mama is typing this, you are asleep soundly in your crib having just had a nice 30 minute nursing session with me.
In a few hours, Mama will be leaving behind in the good hands of Por Por for a good 10-11 hours, the longest ever since you came into our lives 4 months ago. I don't know how I'm going to go through it but I think there'll be some tears involved.
On Mama's last day of my leave, you showed me (1) how sensible a baby you are and (2) how great our God is. After going on a bottle strike for the past 2 months, you choose of all days today - the day before I return to work - to show me that you haven't forgotten how to suckle from the bottle and drink your usual 80-100ml of milk once again! For the past 2 months, Mama has been praying that you will learn to love your bottle once more but when you time and again rejected the bottle, I began to question why God won't answer my prayers. Today, it all made sense to me. That God was letting you nurse exclusively these past months so that we could enjoy the bonding while Mama was home and only on the very last day of my leave, did He let me see that you were a big girl now and all ready to take on the bottle! You have no idea how relieve Mama is to see you finish your milk from the bottle. I was convince you were going to starve once I go back to work but you proved me wrong today. You showed me that at 4 months, you knew in that little brillant mind of yours just when to end your bottle strike. I'm so proud of you!
I am going to miss you so much and am already feeling the pain at the thought of being away from you for such long hours. The days we spend with you in my arms as I rock and sing you to sleep were precious. I must have sang "Jesus Loves Me" a gazillion times now but this song will forever be a part of you and I. It never fails to put you to sleep. And those afternoons fooling around on Por Por's bed with your rattles and Sophie the giraffe. What about our diaper changing moments when you always look at me, blink your eyes (thinking I'm going to clean your face with the wet cotton wool) and then give me your widest smile. So so precious.
We went through a rough patch with your reflux and that caused some distressed but I'll like to think things are improving. Its like your know Mama's going back to work and you want to tell me that "Its OK Mama, I'm in good hands, I'll be fine with Por Por. Look, I can drink my milk from the bottle and I'l grow up strong!"
Seeing you smile at Mama every time we have our chit chats or when your eyes meet mine after you wake up groggy from your naps are moments I will surely be missing. You are going to see less of me now but we'll make up for it over the weekends I promise. You be a very good girl while Mama is at work and don't give Por Por and Aunty Joy too much trouble alright?
I'm so glad I got to spend the last 4 months with you almost 24/7. We've clearly grown very attached to each other and now its time to let you do some growing up on your own. You are going to do mighty fine without Mama around in the day with you. You are a child of God, and He is going to watch over you and bless you so richly, Mama has nothing to worry about.
I love you so much Julianne. So much, so much.
Much love,
Mama
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