Kairos

I was putting Julianne to bed last night like I always do, singing to her as she suckled on that last bottle for the day.  It was just like any other night really, just that it was a Sunday evening and perhaps that bit more special especially after spending a long weekend with her (we had taken Friday off). 

I usually keep her upright for a while after her feed with her lying on my shoulder - especially cause she has reflux – before putting her in her crib.  But last night, after keeping her up, I cradled her in my arms, just gently rocking her or what we like to call ‘baby baby’ with the lullaby playing in the background.  Not that she’s a big girl now, just that we don’t carry her cradle style so much anymore now that she’s bigger. 

It was just a very special moment and was perhaps what the writer of this blog calls ‘Kairos moments’. I quote, “Kairos is God’s time.  Its time outside of time.  It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still.”  I thought of how we went through those challenging months coping with her reflux.  The many breakdowns I had because it pained me so much seeing her reject her bottle, reject nursing and reject drinking in general.  How my heart sank when she lost weight for the first time (and thankfully the only time).  Then I thought about how good our God is getting her back on the bottle just in time for my return to work, slowly but surely healing her of her reflux which has improved tremendously today although we’re still keeping her on her medicines but cutting down the dosage.  I looked down at her and couldn’t help but feel silly about how worried I was about her development then because of her poor milk intake.  Today, our daughter is developing so well, – sitting up, calling out to us, exploring her little world with so much curiosity in her, smiling to everyone and being such a happy baby, I couldn’t be more proud of her.  And  I couldn’t be more thankful to God for every milestone she has hit and every breathe she has taken.  Julianne came to us after a previous lost and while I sincerely believe every parent will always be thankful for their child, I also believe it takes someone who has gone through losing a child to be thankful even for something as natural as breathing. 

I prayed over her giving thanks for all these and where I am now in this chapter of my life - blessed with a supportive family, amazing husband and a beautiful daughter. I wished time stood still there and then. Where I wasn't busy trying to make her finish her pumpkin porridge or stoning at 3am with my breast pump or impatiently bouncing her rocker so that I could get some me-time when she napped.

 It was a special time between me, her & God.  It was a kairos moment.