Change ....

Inspired by Mama J at Mums in Making, I thought it’ll be nice too to pen down my thoughts of how motherhood has changed me.  Unlike many other mummy blogs I follow, many of whom are mummies to more than one child, I’m really new to this whole motherhood business having been a mum for a grand total of just 8 months.  But whether its 8 months or 8 years, I believe change is evitable.  You start by making space in your heart for your precious child(ren) and that single act alone creates that ripple effect that changes just about everything else in your life because now before I do anything, say anything or eat anything I think about how that’s going to affect Julianne’s routine, her character (because Bambi once said “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”) and her main source of food – breastmilk. 

I never liked change.  I’m a routine girl and a planner.  I hate being thrown off schedule and feel uneasy when I start the day without a clue of what I’ll be doing that day.  Pre-Julianne, our holiday itineraries come in the form of excel spreadsheets, what time we’ll be at this place, that place;  what time train we gotta catch.  Then the little pumpkin came and changed all that.  Now ‘play by ear’ is the motto of the day.  On the many occasions we made plans to bring her out and leave the house by a certain time, our daughter will choose to have an extended nap and throw our schedule off tangent. It’s like she’s all out to make sure everyone goes by Julianne Foo’s schedule and nothing else.  Then there were those times when we were out and I wanted to go into the scrapbook store to pick up some stash or walk into Zara to browse a little when Little Miss I-Decide-The-Plan-Here decided that she was tired and needed to nap, and I forget all about that pretty patterned paper I wanted to pick up or that blouse I saw the mannequin wearing.  So yes, Julianne has pretty much taken over as my personal assistant.  She now manages my schedule.

But you see, as much as I hate change, motherhood for me came with that natural openness to now embrace change.  Before Julianne arrived, I told myself that I had to learn to be more flexible and that routine will probably no longer exist in my dictionary.  I thought I would have a hard time adjusting to this but no.  It wasn’t like I was angry with having my life now revolve around Julianne.  It was something that as a mother, you so willingly and naturally do without a whimper of complain, all because you made that space in your heart for your child.  I guess that’s how God works.  He blessed you with child, He also knows how to change the kind of person you once were, equipping you with the patience and love to bring up this child.  It’s like it all comes in His motherhood package for you.    

Our life now revolves around her and will continue to for many more years to come.  If we have another child, God willing, we take a longer time to complete that revolution and if you do your sums, it’ll be some time before we have some normalcy in our lives.  But as cliché as it may sound, I would not have wanted this any other way.  When you see her give me her big wide smile, or when she opens her arms wide asking me to carry her or when she breaks into her soft sweet voice calling out “Mama”, you’ll understand why I will not trade Julianne just to put routine back into my life.

Julianne my sunshine