Count Down ....

Melbourne in less than 2 weeks!! First flight out in 2 years!!  Can't wait!! And look who's all ready for her virgin overseas vacation!

Mama says I'm going on a holiday!!

Just once a year . . .

We found ourselves back at the Four Seasons just the weekend past, a 'tradition' we've been keeping to for the last four years since we got married except for the one year we were away in LA.  With both my birthday and our anniversary in the month of November, it was always good reason for us to pamper ourselves that once in a year.  And now, we have Julianne's birthday to add to the excuse for a staycation at the Four Seasons.  This year was also special because we were back with our little one in toll. thankful that we could now celebrate our wedding anniversary with an extra special someone. 

It was embarrassingly also the very first time we as parents took care of Julianne for a entire 24 hours (we were there for a 2-night stay but met up with my folks for dinner on the 2nd night) all by ourselves - no grandparents to take her off us so that we could have some alone time nor helper to help me wash my pump parts after I was done with expressing.  

I appreciated the quality time we got to spend with her and each other and I think she too was savouring all that attention she was getting from us - must have been wondering in that little mind of hers how come I get Papa and Mama all to myself this weekend?  She refused to be put down to sleep unless her Papa - who was watching tv in the hall outside - was in the room with us (something she didn't need back home).  While she was totally excited by the new surroundings in the hotel room, busy exploring every nook and cranny and loving particularly the toilet (not hard to understand why since it is quite a gorgeous toilet) and the dustbin, it took her a while to settle down for her sleep on the first night.  Not surprisingly since she has not slept elsewhere (including day time naps - lest for the once or twice at my sister's) other than home for the past year.  She did much better on night 2 though, sleeping for a longer than usual stretch even before waking up for her middle of the night snack.    

It was a good break and a trial run of sorts for us in preparation for our upcoming trip to Melbourne.  At least now I know I won't have to lug so many toys with me cos she ended up exploring the room and wasn't so interested with the toys I had brought along.  Can't wait!! 

Our weekend getaway

Four years on . . .

Saying our first family prayer . . .

. . . and a lifetime ahead of us.

"And above all this, put on love which binds them all in perfect unity"
Colossians 3:14

Motherhood - A year on ...

Exactly one year ago today, we brought Julianne home.  It was the best birthday present I got and it also marked the beginning of my motherhood journey having left the nurses who changed her poopy diaper, bathed her and soothed her whimpers in the nursery room during our 5 day stay at the hospital. 

It has been an amazing journey this past 12 months with its share of highs and lows.  A mountain view won’t be as breathtaking without those valleys – the same way my motherhood journey won’t have been the awesome experience it has been without those challenging and trying moments when I felt I must be doing everything wrong as a mother.  Coping with Julianne’s reflux at its peak around her 3^rd – 5^th month would have been the single most trying period of the past year.  I wrote about it on more than one occasion here on this blog so I shan’t sound like a record on repeat.  But during those months, I had to deal with nursing strikes, bottle strikes, milk strikes, Julianne’s weight lost and a helpless baby crying during feeds from the pain it was causing her.  It was most heartbreaking to watch and I felt like the world’s worst mother not being able to do anything to make the pain go away.  By God’s grace, we found the wonderful Dr Vas who was spot-on with her diagnosis and who was always able to encourage me and make me realise that Julianne’s condition didn’t make me a bad mother and that one day, when she’s 21, I’ll look back at this and have a good laugh.  It was such a trying period, I really thought I was slipping into depression.  Thankfully, I’ve an amazing husband and strong family support who reminded me that this was just a phase and that this too shall pass and that I had my beautiful daughter in front of me, small in size yes, but hitting all her developmental milestones there really was nothing for me to worry about.  And they were right, it did pass when we took her off her reflux medicines at 9 months.  Today in fact, I have her reflux to thank for some of the things were had the chance to do for Julianne; like giving her all that extra TLC and cuddles and singing to her at every.single.milk.feed. so that she’ll drink her milk.  Also, one big reason why I am still keeping at breastfeeding other than believing strongly that this is the best for her is also because it was so painful to see her reject drinking then that now, seeing her finish her 180ml – 200ml of milk each time is a huge deal for me and I don’t want to take that away from her.  Like God says .... “... all things happen for the good of those who love the Lord ...” Romans 8:28

For every grey day, God sent 6 days of rainbow to paint our lives with colours and sunshine! Julianne is truly such a joy to be around, I can go on about what a little cheeky, adorable, mischievous, sweet, smile-radiating muchin’kin she is.  At a year old, she has the innate ability to make you feel so loved.  It totally completes my day when I come home to a daughter who will lay on her head on my shoulder, hug me tightly and give me a few pats on my back as if telling me “Mama, I love you.  I missed you today.”  And she doesn’t just do this to me.  She does the same to her Gong Gong and her Yiyi when she realises they have been away from the house for an extended time.  Just last night, she spent the sweetest 5 minutes with her Yiyi Sam who was out the entire day but came home in time to kiss her goodnight.  I think Sam was just about to tear from all that sweetest.  I am so glad our daughter knows how to show Love and I can only pray that she’ll grow up embracing God’s greatest commandment to us to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind ... and to Love your neighbour as yourself” Matthew 22:35-40

Motherhood has been a humbling experience to say the least.  Being a perfectionist, I often prefer to do things on my own because that way, things get done just as I like them to and I don’t have to worry about being angry or frustrated with anyone if things go wrong.  Looking back, there was no way I could have gone solo on this motherhood journey.  My mum left her company of 33 years to stay home so that Julianne gets the best care.  My husband makes every effort to come home early to bath her, blow raspberries on her tummy and more recently play hide-and-seek around her play pen just so that Julianne doesn’t grow up thinking Papa is just an imaginary creature.  My dad takes Julianne off me for her daily walks just so that I can have some time to myself whether it’s to get ready for work or cook up dinner for the family.  My elder sis who was miles away for a good part of the past year was always ready with an answer to the many many questions about caring for Jules that I bombarded her with and the younger sis gives Julianne a time of her life whenever she's home, she loves her so much, she returns the favour with lots of wet kisses.  I’ve also not prayed as hard for wisdom and strength daily as I have in the past year.  I sometimes was so afraid I’ll fail miserably at my first attempt at motherhood, it was afterall, an uncharted territory.  By God’s grace I made it through.  It wasn’t a perfect score for sure but I don’t think I did shabby either.  I’ll like to think motherhood has made me a better person – a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister.  It has made me ever more thankful for having a husband who is most accommodating, appreciate my parents more, understand better the needs of my elder sis who’s also a mother to a 3 year old as well as rationalise the emotions of my growing teenage sister. 

I’ve chosen to multiply my capacity to love instead of dividing it.  To give equal amounts of my love and time to my daughter, my husband and my family.  To not be any less a wife, daughter, sister or friend now that I’m a mother - and that my friends has been the most challenging mathematical problem I’ve solved to date and it doesn’t help even though I am a Mathematics major.  I’m not sure if I’ve even solved it because I’m still learning to love selflessly every day. 

I’m looking forward to Year 2 of Motherhood.  I am excited about what’s in store.  I’m sure there’ll be hurdles to jump over and obstacles to overcome but I know there’ll also be sunshine to bask under and music to dance to.  And the best part is, I won’t be alone.  Because I’ve been blessed.  Blessed with a wonderful family and an even greater God who’ll walk alongside me every step of the way.   

Letters to Julianne #17

Dearest Julianne, 

Happy happy 1st birthday my little munch'kin!  I sure hope you have enjoyed the past one year.  Well what's there not to enjoy when you have people doing things for you at your command - change your poop, feed you, bath you, sing you lullabies, rock you to sleep - basically, never keeping our eyes off you for a moment.  Mama won't mind living that kind of life! 

I remember fondly the day you came into our lives, all ready to change it forever.  And you sure have done a fabulous job at doing that.  But it was all for the better.  You made me a better person and you made my world a brighter place.  We had some grey days but God always sent His rainbow at the end of it. 

Minutes Old

You've accomplished much in your first year, I can't be more proud of you.  Two weeks shy of your first birthday, you took your official first steps, all ready to explore the world around you.  Soon you'll be running and like Aunty Rain says, I'll need to take you with me on my marathons! 

There's ain't much of your first year that you're going to remember.  What I can, I hope to preserve them in a time capsule for your 16th or 21st birthday.  Like the little name tag you wore around your ankle during our week stay at the hospital after your birth, or the little love notes your Yiyis wrote you on your first birthday.  Perhaps too your first walking shoe or the Number 1 candle you (or Mama) blew out at your party. 

Here're highlights of your first year Julianne and I look forward to telling you stories behind each of them one day ...

♥ Seeing Mama and Papa for the first time on the night of 1 Nov 2011 after putting Mama through a 15 hour long labour. 

♥ Coming along on the breastfeeding journey with Mama this past 12 months.  Till today, you're exclusively breastfed and while we went through a rough patch with your drinking, I truly treasure every nursing session with you even at 3am in the morning.  There were calls for me to feed you formula milk instead - like at the peak of your reflux when some said formula would help keep the milk down since it was thicker - but I choose to believe that breastmilk was still the best thing I could give you.  I'm glad I stuck with it. 

♥ Your daily walks with Gong Gong - once in the morning and another in the evening.  Gong Gong adores you and I know the feeling is mutual.  He's like your buddy, the one that rescues you out of every trap we put you in - the high chair, the exersaucer, the playpen. 

♥ How Por Por gave up her job to take care of you full time.  You have no idea what a blessed child you are and I want you to grow up, being always thankful to Por Por for doing that. 

♥ Welcoming your Da-yi, Uncle Jude and Che Che Sophie home permanently after nine years.  You adored them almost immediately and today, Che Che Sophie is like this big sister you look up to - your thrilled reaction whenever she hugs you or gives you kisses is so precious, I really need to video it down one of these days.  

♥ All the many tricks you learnt from Yiy Sam like - clapping hands, doing the twinkle twinkle little star action, kissing, identifying your starfish stuff toy and the many episodes of Doc McStuffins which she watches with you.  You love her (Yiyi Sam I mean) don't you? 

♥ Seeing your great-grandfather for the last time and making him smile so widely before he went for his operation and fell so ill, you had to eventually say goodbye.  Since then, great granny has been coming to visit you whenever she was bored at home and I'm just glad you have been able to add some cheer with your sweet smiles. 

♥ Taking your first official steps at 11 months and 2 weeks.  This was probably the only milestone that made Mama tear.  I'm not sure what it is about walking but it was a rather profound moment for me.  Perhaps something to do with seeing that you're now all grown up and taking your own steps.  

♥ Blowing out the candle on your first birthday cake that Mama baked you and giving thanks to God for blessing me with such a beautiful child like you then asking Him for the wisdom to bring you up in ways that will always honour Him. 

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

Psalm 127:3

I hope you have enjoyed your first year Julianne.  Mama promises to take you on greater adventures in your second year.  One that will take you places, teach you new things, let you scale new heights and show you beyond what you have seen, heard and tasted in your first year.  

We love you very very much Jujubee!  Thank you for being our sunshine (or what your Papa will say - kaya to his kaya toast, sambal to his nasi lemak).  Here's a video that Papa made specially for you.    

Blessed birthday my sweet child.  God bless you and make His face shine upon you always. 

Love you soooo much

Mama