November . . .

What a month it has been ... a month filled with a whole concoction of emotions; excitement, anxiety, joy, pain, worry, frustration and absolute bliss. 

I won't have gotten through the month without the love and support of family who made coping with my new role as mother alot easier.  

There was grandma who took a good part of the month off to take care of me and Julianne.  Making sure I was will nourished and helping me take care of Julianne by rocking her so that I could get some rest.  She thankfully wasn't too strict about all that confinement rules, I got to bath (and wash my hair), by the end of the 2nd week, was happily in my shorts and tees again, managed to steal some sips of cold ribena and orange juice and was thankfully spared of all that longan drink and gingery food when I came down with a sore throat by the end of the 2nd week. 

And grandpa who though can't do much of that rocking and cooking delights Julianne every evening with his conversations with grandpa moments.  She'll listen attentively, as if understanding every word Gong Gong is saying.  It really is quite a delight to watch.  Not forgetting those little kisses he plants on her every now and then, Julianne is so loved. 

Then there is Yiyi Sam who loves to entertain Julianne with her favourite stuff toy - Angel.  In the midst of her A-levels, she took time to give Julianne daily cuddles (under my close supervision no less) and sing her the rubber duckie song during bath time.  The only thing she hasn't done is change Baby J's poopy diaper.  

And giving support and love from afar - my sister Serene and little Sophie - whose advise over What's App and Skype has been most helpful in calming my anxiety and worries.  I've asked her everything from breastfeeding concerns to sleep patterns to poop issues.  Don't know how she went through all this without as much family support as I'm having now - I salute you Chets!  And there was Sophie, who calls out Baby J in her sweetest voice going "Baby Julianne".  Those moments when she wanted to tickle Julianne over Skype was simply adorable.  Can't wait for them to come back in 2 weeks and for the cousins to meet!! 

And how can I forget the Papa who has been such a wonderful source of love and support.  He is my resource person - checking the internet for info each time I have some concern about how Julianne was doing.  He helps us at night despite having to work the next day by helping with at least one of the night feeds and the diaper changes in between so that I can catch some extended rest. He rushes home every evening from work just so that he can spend that precious 1 hour or so with Julianne before she goes to bed.  And did I mention he has been the one bathing her ever since, I've merely been assisting.  They only think that is making him a little sad is that Baby J hasn't quite taken to him carrying her; we're still working on that.    

I feel blessed.  Motherhood has been quite an experience to say the least but by the grace of God and and love of my family, I'm surviving and enjoying the journey.  Praise the Lord!

18 days old

18 Days Old, a photo by pz.sher on Flickr.

Day 18 turned out to be quite a nightmare for me at least for a good 12 hours.  Julianne simply refused to be put to sleep and stayed awake from 9am to 9pm with just what was a short 45 minutes cat nap in between.  It was completely out of sync with her usual routine since we came home so I got really frustrated and worried all at the same time wondering if she was unwell, or if it was something I ate that was keeping her awake.  I've been reading that newborns typically sleep up to 16-18 hours a day so staying awake for 12 hours was simply not the norm! 

Thank God for sisters and mummy-friends who lent good advise and share similar problems with their newborns.  I felt a little more comforted knowing I wasn't alone in this not-sleeping business.  

Other than yesterday's fussiness, Julianne has thankfully actually been a really good girl.  Here's a peek in her typically day .....

745am: Gets a goodbye kiss from Papa before he leaves for work and continues her beauty sleep

9am: Starts stirring up from her slumber.  Slowly opening her eyes.  When she sees me, she greets me with the biggest smile.  Its the best thing to wake up to.  She only started smiling like this a few days ago and she does that just hearing my voice and hearing me call out "Good morning Sunshine"! 

930am: She gets her morning wash-up; cleaning her eyes, face and a diaper change before changing out of her PJs into her comfy home-wear including long oversized pants which grandma insists she wears. 

930am - 11am: I give her some awake time, playing in grandma's room, talking with her.  She's most alert at this time of the day! She'll give you her most attentive stare with her eyes wide open.  She'll coo as you speak to her as though wanting to give you a response. 

11am: I usually give her a feed to try to nurse her to bed.  This though is typically her fussiest time when nursing doesn't get her to sleep.  She'll doze off while drinking and when I put her down on the bed, she'll get up again.  This is the time I start my solo karaoke session and you'll start hearing "Hush Little Baby" and "Jesus Loves the Little Children" on repeat play for the next hour or so. 

12noon: On a good day, she'll be asleep.  On a bad one, we continue the singing cum rocking session.  I break for lunch while our helper watches over her. 

2pm: I give her another feed and here's when she *really* goes down for a good afternoon siesta.  She will sleep till about 5ish/6pm waking for a feed in between.

630pm: By this time, she's usually pretty awake lying on her skip-hop farmyard gym mat and waiting for her Papa to come home.  She'll be on her best behaviour never greeting her Papa with her cries which she occasionally showers on her me during the day.  This is also the time when everyone's including Gong Gong and Yiyi Sam are home so everyone gets to play with her. 

715pm: We thankfully still manage to sit down as a family for a proper dinner while our helper; Joy; watches her.  Joy has been pretty good with her so hopefully things won't be too difficult when I return to work next year. 

8pm: We get ready to bath her which in her early days use to be this huge Operation involving the grandparents and you-tube playing elmo & the rubber duckie song.  But she's came to really enjoy her bathe these days and we've also gotten the hang of things so now its left to Papa and Mama.  It's easily her other favourite time of the day apart from feeding and poo-ing time.  She's dressed in her comfy PJs all nice smelling of California Baby shampoo. 

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815pm: We bring her to Por Por's room for a little time with the grandparents before she says her goodnight to them and Yiyi Sam (which until now has been more of "Good luck for tomorrow's paper"). I nurse her, once she's done, we pack her into her swaddle and lullaby her to bed.  

9pm: Once in deep sleep and we place her into her crib. She takes what is typically her longest sleep, sometimes 4hours, going past her 3-hour feed interval.  

9pm-745am:  She wakes up for about 3 feeds on average, falling right back to bed after each.  We usually give her a bottle of my expressed milk for her first feed after her 9pm one so that Papa too can experience the bond when feeding her.  It also gives me the time to go pump so that I don't go to bed (or 3 hours naps I call them) feeling all engorged. 

And there readers is the life of 19 day old Julianne Foo.  

     

From Yiyi Sam . . .

Julianne was already 3 days old when I finally got to read this post from my sister Samantha and it was just the sweetest thing.  

I'm re-blogging it here in case my sister decides to close her blog one day (which she has a tendency to) and I never read this again. 

***

It’s going to be a very special night for these 2 very special humans (:

(FIRST OF ALL, can i just say that I am kinda disappointed that we didn’t get the whole wake-up-at-3am-emergency-waterbag-burst drama. was really looking forward to that.)

Anyhoo, Sherri Koh is gonna get induced tomorrow morning and we just gave her a send off to the hospital (:

Honestly, as much as people know me for my excitement to be a mother and my innate love for little kiddos, my sisters’ pregnancy has taught me that childbirth and motherhood are rather huge tasks to rise up to. When my oldest sister was pregnant, she was pregnant 200000 miles from home, and i guess that distanced me from the reality of it all. But over the past 9 months with Sherri pregnant, i really got to see the process up close and experience each milestone with her right next to me. Initially i thought it would just be her getting physically bigger..but it’s really not. Over the past 9 months, my sister grew up. I could see that while she expanded her waistline, she was also expanding her heart..to make room to love another human being with more love than she would possibly ever experience. Each day i saw her falling in love with that baby bump that quickly evolved into a baby mountain. She would talk to it, rub it, sing to it..it’s like they went out on dates everyday for the past 9 months and finally tomorrow they’d meet each other face to face. For my sis, that bump would become a child. And for Julianne, that voice would become a mother.

There is something beautiful about witnessing the process of pregnancy. A beauty that I, with my limited ability to express my thoughts, can never ever describe.

Erer, by the time you read this, you’d probably already have Juju in your arms. But i just wanna say that you’re gonna be a wonderful mother, just as you are and always will be a wonderful sister. I love you! And Piao, please don’t faint in the delivery ward. You’re gonna be a super Dad too (: 

And i leave you 2 with this! In commemoration of your last night as being just the 2 of you, and waking up tomorrow with just hours away to being the 3 of you:

“With child: there’s a lovely warm sound to that expression, an archaic but tender acknowledgement that for nine months you have company wherever you go.”

-Lionel Shriver

I believe it was a lovely adventure. But now it’s time for another one. One that is greater, grander, and more permanent (:

Letters to Julianne #1

Beautiful Julianne, a photo by pz.sher on Flickr.

Dearest Julianne,

We waited 40 weeks and 1 day for your grand arrival.  On the appointed day, you still insisted on taking your own sweet time, believing that since its *your* birthday then only you had the right to choose the exact hour of your birth.  You must like the number '3' very much.  Yes, that's like us - our little family of 3.  

Over the past 40 weeks, Mama lived each day by faith that God will protect you, keep you healthy and bring you safely into this world.  Having gone through a previous lost, Mama sometimes lived my days in fear and anxiety even right to the very hour of your birth.  As I cradled you in my arms, I can only chide myself for having little faith sometimes.  Indeed our God is faithful.  During Mama and Papa's honeymoon 2 years ago, God spoke to me and promised me a 2011 baby.  And here you are, just as God had promised. 

"We prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted what we asked for" - 1 Samuel 1:27   

You came, turned my night into day and my day into night. I've learnt to put aside my obsession with routine and schedules and allowed you to take over as my official planner - my life now revolves around your cues and cries. For the first time in 32 years, I didn't bother having candles on my birthday cake, I was just thankful you made it home with us on that day - it was the best present I could ever ask for.  Papa and Mama spent our 3rd Wedding Anniversary without any fanfare, just us and you Julianne and that was all that mattered. 

I want you to know how very precious you are to me and Papa.  You have been beautifully and wonderfully created in the image of God and God has done such a great job with you.  Know my child that you are so loved.  Loved by everyone in the family, loved by us, loved by God. 

Welcome to our world dear Julianne.  Mama promise to do all I can and more to make this place a safe and happy one for you! 

Love you so much, 

Mama

Pain Redefined

The previous post was the happy part of the labour process.  After Dr Chan stitched me up, I was all ready to retreat back into the room, just us, our little family of three.  After some skin to skin time with Julianne, the nurses brought her back to the nursery for a complete routine check.  I was told my parents and sister were waiting excitedly outside - it was comforting to know that as I was tirelessly pushing, family was cheering me on from outside. 

I stayed on in the delivery suite for observation as I was running a mild temperature. Dr Chan takes his leave and we thanked him for all the assistance.  Told him to also bring Dr Liang the good news of Julianne's arrival. 

11.15pm: Before sending me back to the ward, the nurses attempted to drain my bladder only to find that my uterus wasn't contracting as it should.  Nurse Yang examines me and tells me she needed to check me further and it may cause some discomfort. 

11.30pm: 1st Pain: She performs what has got to be the most excruciating pain ever experience in my life.  I'm dead serious.  By this time, my happidural wasn't so happy anymore as it had started to wear off.  So when the nurse examines me with her bare hands, I really screamed murder! She tells us that I had blood clots in my uterus which explains why it wasn't contracting and that they had to ensure that the clots were removed before sending me back to the ward.   

12mn:  2nd Pain - she returns to perform yet another check.  I really hated it.  She suggested I used the laughing gas to distraught me from the pain so we did.  There she went again, 2nd examination.  The laughing gas was rubbish and did nothing to help.  I screamed like I never did before and was really to rip dearie's arm off.  There were still clots and I could sense some serious concern in Nurse Yang's voice and she explained what was happening.  My BP was also starting to drop. In my state of pain and bluriness, I heard them saying "Call Dr Chan" and that got me really worried.  In the meantime, she left us, asking dearie to massage my tummy to help rid the clots.  The nurse from the nursery also ask for permission to give Julianne some formula since I was not in the right state of breastfeed.  As much as I had wanted to exclusively breastfeed her, it was what was best for her at that point.

2nd November

12.15am:  3rd Pain - Every time I see her back in the room, my heart will tremble.  When she says she is going to check me, trust me, I gave her poor puppy looking face and literally beg her not to.  No prizes for guessing who wins.  So there we go again, with that useless laughing gas. 

12.30am: At this point, I thought I was in some severe condition.  Dr Chan returns and repeats that horrendous act of clearing my clots with his bare hands just like what Nurse Yang had done but longer and 10 folds more painful.  My scream could bring the hospital down but I couldn't care less.  I probably also scratched the nurse and the husband who was holding onto me.  After what was like an eternity of pain, Dr Chan explained what was happening but I wasn't in the right state of mind to understand anything. 

1am: Dr Chan leaves and I continue to be kept behind for observation. Dearie was instructed to massage me to help the uterus contract.    

1am - 3am: I think I went through two more rounds of checks being told each time things looked better and hoping that that meant no more checks.  

4am:  Finally at 4am, after being in the delivery suite for some 22 hours, thirsty, hungry, in pain and running a temperature, Nurse Yang does one last check and allows me to return to the ward.  I was just glad my ordeal was over.  I apologised to Nurse Yang and thank her for putting up with my screams and struggles over the last few hours.  I felt bad cos I know my struggling didn't make her job easier but the pain was truly beyond unbearable and I have *never* in my life felt gone through anything close to this.  

The post delivery trauma rated 100 on a pain score of 10 and made the actual labour seem like an absolute painless experience.  

I now have new found respect for nurses who had to put up with all my crap, clean me up and make sure I was in the right condition to be discharged from the labour ward.  And thank God for our gynae who returned to check on my condition or I would have probably bled to death. 

Looking at Julianne the next day more than made up for what I had gone through.  How truly precious was our daughter and I couldn't be more thankful to God placing her safely in my arms.    

Julianne

Julianne Foo

Born 01.11.11

Weighing 3.33kg and 51cm long

After some 15 hours of labour, our precious Julianne finally decided that 21:33hr was her appointed time to finally say "Hello world"!

31st Oct 2011

9pm: Settled into our room at Gleneagles all excited at the prospect of meeting our precious one soon

9.30pm: Sister Koh comes in and gives me my pitocin which is suppose to help soften the cervix get the dilation going.  I was that my water bag may burst and I may still go into labour that night.  She straps me to the machine to monitor my contractions and Julianne's heart rate for the next hour.

10.30pm: Machine off.  Dearie and I even sneaked in an episode of the DVD drame we brought with us. 

12mn: Off to bed with some mild contractions believing that maybe, just maybe Julianne will give me all that night-labour drama. 

1st Nov 2011

5am: No drama last night.  I'm awaken by Nurse So who administered enema to help me clear my bowels

5:40am: Was served some toast and milo.  I only managed 1 slice of bread no knowing this was the last meal I was going to have till 23 hours later.

6am: We make our way to the delivery suite, spirits all high! Dearie armed with his camera and ipad all ready to document Julianne's birth!

7.45am: Dr Tay our anesthetist comes in to give me God's best gift to mothers in labour - the epidural or what Dr Chan calls the happidural! He did such a wonderful job, pain score was really 0.  He was chatting with me all the time, taught me some breathing exercise and it helped to take whatever pain there was suppose to be away.  He even said I had zero fat in my back when he administered the epidural and how I must have been spared of Dr Chan's nagging on weight issues.

8.30am: Dr Chan arrives, breaks my waterbag painlessly, checks my dilation only to inform as that it was barely 2cm.  "8 more hours to go" was all I heard after that.  I thought he was joking really.  But no, he was dead serious. "Your cervix isn't cooperating, still very tight".  I got a little discouraged but he didn't seem too concern, I guess he has seen many of such cases so he just told us to rest and wait.       

11.30am: The nurse does a check on how far we have progressed and I was told, barely 2.5cm.  Wasn't it suppose to be 1cm every hour?  We should have been around 5cm by this time! I started to get worried that at this rate, Julianne may go into distress or that I may end up with an emergency c-section.  

1:45pm: Dr Chan returns to check on me.  *Still* at 2cm!  But we were told the cervix had soften significantly and hopefully things will start moving faster from here.  He instructs the nurses to increase my oxytocin doses to move the contractions along.  

2pm: I start to feel I was running a fever.  But this time, 8 hours since we arrived in the delivery suite, I was losing all excitement and steam.  Dearie was a champion, reading the news to me, feeding me small little sips of water which was all that I was allowed in case we had to go for c-section.  

2.30pm: Rev Joel messages me to check on things and I update him that it seemed we still had some way to go.  I asked him to pray for us.  Moments later, he called and we prayed over the phone.  We claimed God's ways to move the labour along and that I will not fear for He was in absolute control. 

3pm: Dearie and I start some breathing exercises to help manage the contractions that seem to get stronger.  We kept praying, commanding my cervix to open up in the name of Jesus.  

5.30pm: 11 hours later. The nurses check on me again.  5cm with very very thinned out cervix!! Plus I started to have some "show".  Praise God! We continued with the breathing and praying!  I was very drained out by this time.  My face was all flushed, I was tired, in mild pain and worried all at the same time. 

7pm: Our every helpful nurses return for another check.  7.5cm I was told! Almost 8cm.  She helped me stretched my cervix as the contractions came on.  Just needed to get it to 8cm and we would most likely avoid a c-section.  So the nurses helped me along and proceeded to update Dr Chan who was still in his clinic on my status. 

7.45pm: Dr Chan arrives and measures me! "Just fully dilated" was all I needed to hear!! God is good!!  But Julianne's head was still pretty high so we continued the wait.  The contractions were getting stronger. The nurses stood by me, encouraging me to breathe and to push at the right time.  

8:30pm: I was told to start pushing each time I felt a contraction.  They lowered my epidural dosage so that I could feel some degree of pain which was helpful in the whole pushing business.  I did as told with my husband by my side encouraging me along.  

9pm: I was close to giving up.  The feeling was like heavily constipated 100 folds over. I was screaming "Get her out, I can't do this anymore"!! Julianne's head was huge and it seem that I wasn't making very good progress with the pushing although the nurses and dearie kept cheered me along, telling me I was doing good.  

9:15pm: Dr Chan arrives and suggest that we go with an assisted delivery using the forceps.  At that point, I was just exhausted and worried that she would go into distress so whatever, just get her out! He even bothered explained that the forceps was centuries old instrument and made sure we were clear about some side effects it would have - marks on the face which will clear up within days.  I really didn't care and I knew there was no harm in using them so I just nodded and nodded hoping he would just get on with it. 

9:30pm: I was asked to push as Dr Chan worked his magic and as the nurses assisted him. 

9:33pm: Julianne Foo arrives into our world, placed on my bosom.  As her eyes met mine, I found myself falling in love all over again.  This time, with God's beautiful creation.  Every minute of the last 15 hours was so worth the pain.